Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
