non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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