wrigley field is MILF paradise
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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