two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
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