absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
