Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
