Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
MIDGETS
????
Randomize