no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
