How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
