dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
