I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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