i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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