but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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