I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
