good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
