so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
