The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
