More tranny stories later!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
