Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
