My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
