That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
