around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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