He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Randomize
