just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
