Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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