Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
