I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
