I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
