I CAN MOONWALK!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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