Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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