I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
