Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
now i know why i became what i already was.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
