he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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