When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
