I cannot find my penis.
he was CRYING into my vagina
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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