stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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