I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
