He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
