His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
