How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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