It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
