I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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