there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
