i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
