Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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