If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
