I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize