i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
