I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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