There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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