put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
