508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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