What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
