party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
