I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
