where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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