I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
