John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
