Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
