Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
