You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
