Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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