he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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