Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
