They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
