Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
