imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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