everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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