Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
