should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
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